Akatsuki Tokusentai
by DragonZoul
Summary: Watch as Pein's ideas of improving his team backfire on him and... mostly on Deidara. Will Tobi break Deidara's breaking point? Or will the one woman ,that's supposed to help him get one, get him insane? Find out! On AKATSUKI TOKUSENTAI! (In Memory of Ginyu Tokusentai [Both Original & TFS])
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I'm too late for April Fool's...

Disclaimer:

Me: Say it…

Naruto: No.

Me: Say it…

Sauske: No…

Me: Say it…

Sakura: The following is a parody. The owner of this story does not-

Me: Wasn't talking to you…

Tobi: Yay! The following is a funny parody, the owner has no license or ownership of the _Naruto_ franchise, or any songs used! _Enjoy._

Deidara: Hey, you actually said something r-

Opening: Sanjou! Ginyu Tokusentai! (0:00 – 1:20 [Or you could just watch the whole thing for the true theme])

Deidara: HOW DARE YOU INTERUPT ME IN MID-SENTENCE! YOU FLIPPING-

 **Akatsuki Tokusentai**

" _Three hundredth attempts_ men, get it right this time."

"Kakuzu!"

"Kisame!"

"Deidara!"

"Sasori."

"Hidan!"

"Itachi…"

"Konan!"

"Zetsu!"

"Toooobi!"

"Pein!"

"WE ARE: AKATSUKI TOKUSENTAI!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

A calm wind decided to rustle some leaves, adding to the silence. A blazing sun loomed over the clouds, trying to break free and show everyone that it's awesome.

"God dammit, Hidan!" shouted Pein.

"W-What?" inquired the grey-head.

"Your hand is 15° short! It has to be perfect or the position won't have the 'ommph' in it!"

"Well, sorryee, but IT DOESN'T MATTER."

"Yes, it does, because you yourself don't matter." Stated Kakuzu. "You're wasting time and I could have gone to the strip club by now with all your chatting and mistakes."

" _I don't care about your money_!"

"Who said you did?"

"Why you mother- "

"No swear words!" shouted Pein. "It ruins our image!"

"I swear god down…"

"Why are we doing this again?" asked Tobi.

Everyone sighed, they had to waste more time due to Tobi's short term memory.

"Remember, OK?!" started Deidara, clearly annoyed at his job of reminding the boy of the gruelling description of their new team.

"Yes Deidara-senpai!"

"Ok. We. Are. Making. A. Mother." Deidara felt a glare behind his head. "Blanking. Team. So. We. Can. Express. Our. Flipping. Selves. Also. We. Can. Get. M0ney. On this. Got it?"

"Hmm…"

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Um…"

"I swear to god…"

"Just kidding! I know already! I tricked you! Ah-Ah-Ah." Laughed Tobi. When he looked at Deidara though, his laugh turned nervous, "Get it, Deidara-senpai? H-Happy A-April F-Fool's Day!"

"…"

"Are you- "

"KILL HIM." Shouted Hidan.

"AAAAHHHH!" Tobi was gone in a flash, leaving a large collection of dust behind as he was chased by Deidara, flying on his C2 Dragon.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"HHHHHHHHELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Screamed the unfortunate Tobi as he was blown away and became a twinkle in the sky.

An Hour Later -

"We do not attack our team members unless necessary." Scolded Pein as he looked down at the kneeling Deidara, the glanced over to the knelling Tobi. "Tobi."

"Y-Y-Yes leader?" the masked male looked up at his leader, hoping for forgiveness like a dog who accidentally did 'one'.

Pein knelled down, put his hand on Tobi's hand, and said, "Good boy, you actually, managed to make Deidara look like a fool."

"WHAT THE F- "

"T-Thank you leader. It wasn't easy to do."

"YOU SON OF A- "

"I know, even Hidan couldn't manage to get Deidara this angry."

"NOTICEEE MEEEEE!"

"Let's go now, Tobi. Deidara, you come too; we are going to practice our team pose again."

The masked and the pierced men stood up, walking back to the snickering group.

"ALL MY HATE!"

Deidara eventually got up and practiced once again with the group. "I swear…"

"Now! For the _three hundred and first_ time, LET'S DO THIS!"

"Kakuzu!"

"Kisame!"

"Deidara!"

"Sasori."

"Hidan!"

"Itachi…"

"Konan!"

"Zetsu!"

"Toooobi!"

"Pein!"

"WE ARE: AKATSUKI TOKUSENTAI!"

"…"

"…"

"We did it, right?" asked Hidan. Pein looked over his team, checking for any mistakes.

"Kakuzu."

"Yes leader?" Kakuzu glanced at the leader's furrowed eyebrows.

"Why do you have a gold chain around your neck?"

In the Forest -

"Weeeeeeeee!" Tobi swung from branch to branch, oak to sycamore. He was having a blast.

"Will you shut up?" asked Deidara as he jumped from branch to branch, oak to maple. He wore annoyed face.

"But it's too fun to keep my cries of joy inside, Deidara-senpai!"

"Why don't you just say it in your mind?"

"Umm…" Tobi scratched an imaginary beard with his right hand, swinging on branches with his other.

"How the f- "Deidara stopped himself. "How the flip is you doing-"

"Muffin button."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Well, it's because… I don't _have_ a voice in my mind! It's just me, myself, and I in there."

"Oh. My. God."

"W-What?" Tobi took his hand away from his chin and swung it with his right hand across the tree tops.

"If you mind, we've got a mission here." The voice of Konan startled the partners.

"Yeah yeah, I know, get those group of 'trouble makers' and kill them, yeah yeah." Deidara's eyes rolled.

"Deidara-senpai."

"WHAT."

"You haven't said your famous 'Hn'!"

"That's because Pein told me not too, it "ruins our image"."

"You do know I'm right behind you." Sweat dropped the man with piercings.

"S-Sorry leader! I was just making a light joke!"

"You said nothing wrong about me, though."

"…"

"…"

"LOL!"

"SHUT UP TOBI!" Everyone shouted as they bounced off into their mission, thing.

An Hour Later, in MySpace -

"Are ya kidding meh?" a raspy voice asked their three companions team of black cloaks and red clouds were following them. "It's a dream, right guys?"

"No~ It's not a dream." Pein suddenly appeared in front of the bouncing crooks. Tobi appeared as well, as if from thin air.

"How did you- "

"Muffin button."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Tobi, it's not the time to confuse our opponents, they need to know who we are, _first_." Started Pein, but before he could speak another word, a whole gathering of smoke blocked his vision. "What?"

"Suckers!" Three crooks ran on the ground, large white bags behind their backs. They had a straw hat and a long, white, kimono. They wore black masks over their mouths and looked like they came from Texas. "You will never get our ching-ching!"

"Ching-ching…" wondered Kakuzu as he landed on the ground and ran after them, ninja-style. "That means…" His eyes slightly lit up, "MONEY!" Kakuzu broke the barrier of sound and ran faster towards the crooks.

"Damn it! They're too fast! Gotta go fast, am I right guys?" asked a crook with a flower on his straw hat.

"Why do you like Sonic so much? I mean, Sonic '06 man." A vein throbbed on the head of his companion, who wore a lightning bolt on his head.

"That never happened." Stated the flower-head.

Kakuzu managed to get directly behind them and jumped over them, stopping them in their tracks.

"Almighty Push!" The crooks were blown away and knocked back to some trees.

"That move…" the crook who had spoken first and wore a flame on his head smirked, "Blew me away."

"Aww, I was going to say that." Groaned Tobi.

"Good thing you didn't, or I'd have your head by now." Deidara deadpanned.

"Savage." Stated an ignored Itachi.

"Heh, good one." Also stated an ignored Kisame.

"Now, let's not be rude. Introduce your selves!" shouted Pein as he got into position.

"Hello, my name is- "

"Not funny babe."

"Sorry Pein." Konan looked down as she got into position as well.

" _Three hundred and fiftieth_ time."

"Kakuzu!"

"Kisame!"

"Deidara!"

"Sasori."

"Hidan!"

"Itachi…"

"Konan!"

"Zetsu!"

"Toooobi!"

"Pein!"

"WE ARE: AKATSUKI TOKUSENTAI!"

"Tokusentai!"

"Tokusentai!"

"Tokusentai!"

"Tokusentai!"

"…"

"…"

"Do you guys have the power to say something without moving your lips or what?" asked the bolt-head. "Also, WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!"

"Guys, that voice." Pein started as he returned to a neutral position from his "Ginyu" one. "It means…"

"We did it, yayyyyyy." Sarcastically said Itachi. "Now let's do our job before you gloat leader."

"Yes." Sweat dropped the ginger man.

"Sharingan!" cried Itachi as he activated his fanboy eye transformation.

"Woah! You must be a Uchiha man!" sarcastically said Kisame.

"Ha! I get it! Because the Uchiha are dead! Ha!" Deidara laughed, his face somehow becoming ugly in the process.

"What happended to you…" Sasori asked as he crawled around in his puppet form (the one that looks like a dog for your information).

"Puberty is staying around to be a complete _bitch_ to me." Answered Deidara.

Everyone gasped as Deidara's tongue finished rolling off the "b-word".

"Y-You just swore Deidara-senpai!"

"What school did you go to?"

"Um… I think it was, 'The School for The Mentally Challenged'. "

"Rhetorical question. FLIPPING rhetorical question!"

"And I gave you a rhetorical answer."

"Good lord, I traded Sasori for this." Sighed Deidara.

"Now, onto getting the- "

"Done." Sasori stood on top of the knocked-out crooks who were under a genjutsu, guess who did that.

"You forgot about me! The fourth crook!" A wet-hat crook jumped out of their hiding place, hand signs blurring against the human eye, "Water Style: Water Prision Jutsu!"

The team were trapped in water balls, completely caught off guard.

"Damn it!" Deidara bashed on the water, trying to break it but failing. "This is bad… my clay is USELESS in _freaking_ water!"

"Kisame, it's your time to shine." Pein said as he sat, meditating in the water.

"Yes leader!" His sharp teeth showed as he made some hand signs and cancelled the jutsu surrounding him. "Now, if I kill you…" He took his Samehada. "I think my sword's hunger will be satisfied for a while."

"Growl~" the bandaged sword agreed as the shark-man started running to the crook.

"N-Now, n-now, n-no need to get worked up?" tried the crook, but whatever he tried to do was obviously the most stupid decision of his life as the sword's blade cut him in half. Slice!

" **Recording Information.** " The bandaged sword started.

"Ah, that's the new system I installed into your blade. Once it hits a desired enemy, it says _almost_ everything about it." Pein landed on the floor beside his gasping-for-breath "friends".

" **Name: Sokui Soki.**

 **Age: 34**

 **Status: Single (Lost girlfriend to a mentally challenged boy)**

 **Nature: Water**

 **Chakra Level: 45.** " Samehada explained.

"Who's the mentally challenged boy?" asked Tobi, feeling as if this sword might know someone, that looked like him.

"You've got to be fricking kidding me." Deidara turned to his partner with wide eyes. "You have a girlfriend?!"

"Do you?"

"…"

"Savage." Stated Itachi.

"You don't either!" Deidara growled.

"Actually, I do. Her name's Mimo."

"WHAT."

"I do too." Started Sasori.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"Her name's Usagi, she has that beautiful silky black hair." Sasori started daydreaming about his girl.

"Me too." Smirked Kisami.

"Me three." Laughed Hidan

"Me four, her name's Money. No seriously, that's her name."

"Don't tell me Zetsu has one." Deidara shook.

"Yes, I do have a girlfriend. **And she's real.** "

"Pein, please don't freaking tell me…"

"Wait, you don't know?" Sasori widened his eyes.

"You're late boi." Itachi facepalmed.

"Of course, I have a girlfriend. And she's _right_ next to me."

"Do you mean Itachi?"

"NO!" He kissed Konan on the forehead, making her blush deeply. "Konan."

"NO WAY!" Gasped Tobi.

"KILL HIM." Shouted Hidan.

"I wish." Moaned Deidara as he realized he was the only single one in the group.

"Don't worry friend," Tobi put a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "At least you're not gay."

"WHO SAID I WAS?!"

"Orochimaru's gay." Stated Sasori. "He got **turned** down. What's wrong with gay people anyway, Tobi?"

"Someone told me that homosexuals are demons and their religion, so I believe them because everyone tells the truth."

"Homosexuals are actually brave and I respect them because of that. Also, liking another person of the same gender is still loving someone on the opposite gender, deal with it." Sasori countered.

"…"

"Cool! Now let's get back to base! I'm exhausted!" Tobi said as he started running off.

"You don't look exhausted to- "Deidara stopped himself. "What the flip? I swear god down that we did this before."

"Tobi's right, we need to go." Pein started walking in front of the group when he suddenly stopped, then did a pose. "AKATSUKI TOKUSENTAI, MOVE OUT!"

Everyone was gone in a blur, well, except Deidara.

"I've gotta find a special someone, quick! But how?" He strokes an imaginary beard, stupid habits from Tobi influencing him. "Maybe I should use, the Dating Simulators." He ran off, a new hope in his eye as he embarked on his journey of getting a girlfriend.

きゃりーぱみゅぱみゅ - ゆめのはじまりんりん , kyary pamyu pamyu - Yumeno Hajima Ring Ring (0:00 – 1:35)

 **Happy (Late) April Fool's Day. This is going to be a full blow-out series! Hope you enjoyed and laughed loads! Bye!**

Deidara: I'M GOING TO FREAKING-


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Lateness? Blame Mr. Wi-Fi. Also, shoutout to Israel Pena and darklord23414 for favourite and following. (Darklord didn't favourite though) ALMOST 50 VIEWS!

Disclamier:

Me: Say it…

Kakashi: The following is what was said for the disclaimer last chapter.

(Fangirls: AHHHHHHH!)

Kakashi: Ignore them.

Me: You're my favourite character in the games you know.

Kakashi: That's what they all say… Enjoy. (I do the enjoy in a different font on Word)

Opening: Sanjou! Ginyu Tokusentai! (0:00 – 1:20) [Or you could just watch the whole thing for the true theme]

 **Family Meeting**

"FAMILY MEETING!" A loud bang of a spoon and a frying ringed through the (gasp) Habitable Official Man-made Manageable Earth-house. Or you can call it HOMME. Not sure about manageable though. The voice who cried out the sacred tradition was none other than Tobi himself. He was the only that had enough energy in him to even wake up that sleeping whale in the sea, keep in mind that whale destroyed their first base, so this is their second. "FAMILY MEETING! FAMILY MEETING! FAMILY- " "SHUT UP!" shouted a familiar voice, probably Hidan feeling what he called "satisfaction". The grey-haired man sat in his room a staff inside his shoulder. "SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO BE HAPPY HERE!" "BUT YOU DON'T SOUND HAPPY HIDAN-SAN." Tobi shouted back, their shouts ringing through the house, even making the one rat they couldn't eliminate reconsider taking that cake in the fridge. "OF COURSE, HE'S NOT!" shouted the recovering Kisame as he had been sleeping with the fishes in his fish tank. The fishes loved the shark-man. Weird, huh. He was laying on the floor, wet. "YOU JUST MADE SOME NOISE." "HEY! THAT REMINDS ME OF A SONG!" remembered Tobi. "DON'T SAY IT, IT'LL PROBABLY GET BACK IN MY HEAD AGAIN." Shouted a clearly angered Deidara. No change in him then. He was listening to one of those 'ear rape' videos and just as the sound came, Tobi's banging came along and magnified the sound to about a 100%. "DEIDARA-SENPAI!" "HE CAN'T HERE YOU." Shouted Itachi as he was in the toilet, reading a newspaper, which was ten years old. He knew that Deidara had headphones on and that racket of Tobi's would make it so that through some way the volume would increase due to the headset thinking the + button was pressed. The way he shouted do was somewhat calm, the man who did impossibilities. "WHAT? I CAN'T HERE YOU!" "WHAT'D SAY?" "WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?" asked a loud Hidan as he dragged the staff out of his shoulder. "NO! NONE OF THAT, SHAME ON YOU!" shouted Deidara as he realized what Hidan said was a cartoon reference. "LOL!" laughed Tobi. "SHUT UP, TOBI!" shouted everyone in the building. In the Lounge - The Lounge was a very nice room, it had the most comfortable sofas in the whole ninja world, owned by Pein through "burrowing" it. The best thing about the sofas was, that they were native only to the person it was designed for. There was also a large TV and there was an extra fridge filled with soda and junk food but that's not important. Tobi's was orange while a small swirl, it was more of a recliner though. The best thing on it though, was a remote with up, down, and swerve buttons. Oh yeah, there was the vibrating button which the man-boy had pressed and was relaxing in the ever-moving chair. Man's best friend. (Not Tobi, the chair.) Tobi wore a black t-shirt the had yellow spiked hair on the back, wonder who that hair belonged to. He wore red Puma shorts too. His grey socks were exposed, leaving a barely noticeable smell in the room. Deidara's was yellow and more of an armchair, king-sized, just because. It had a remote also, but with less features. Although it did have a pleasure button, but let's just say the man uses the button at night. The blonde wore a grey t-shirt with the number's 69 because you can make that number with your hands. (I know you just tried it~) He wore black Puma trousers, too. Don't forget the white faker sneakers! (He wore because they were cool) Itachi's was a gaming chair. Maybe I shouldn't have used the term sofas. It was an armchair and had multiple features on its remote. It was an X-Rocker. Usually, gaming chairs had stains, were worn out, or just had left food on them but Itachi's was neat and looked like it was new, even traces of a butt print could not be seen. He wore a black vest with the traditional Uchiha logo on it. Black trousers belonged to Adidas was what he owned as well. He wore black sandals. I guess he learned a habit of wearing black from Kirito. Kisame's wasn't a sofa or a chair. It was a water-chair. In fact, Kisame had his own mini water pool, filled with real fish. Kisame loved his water bed. It was king-sized too. What'd you think he had? He wore only a white swimming short. For some reason, it had a shrink button and a GROW one too. It was royal blue. Sasori's was basically a corner sofa bed. But he didn't really need items of comfort, as he was a puppet but through the magic of being a bit human (and me), he could feel comfort. His "real body" was spread out on one side (draw me like one of your French girls pose) and his past puppet creations laid on the other side (heads only). The redhead wore a red t-rex onesie, that will be revealed later. Hidan's was basically just a chair with multiple weapons coming out of it, Pein got it from a tribe, although they didn't agree with the ginger-man taking their chair. It was stained with blood and included little white dots of grey. Hidan wore a tank top vest which was either red or used to be white. He wore grey shorts. Kakuzu was just a sofa. But it was filled with money and the skin was money. Nuff said. He wore his mask, (hey, when he doesn't have the mask, he kind of looks like titan Eren.) a black polo t-shirt, jeans, and blue slippers. Zetsu was his own bed. Pein had the most comfortable bed of all, a traditional armchair. So, it had no buttons or remotes. It had fur which was taken from a beaver (did you know they use beaver fur in mitts and hats?). The man would probably have worn a business suit but because of AKATSUKI TOKUSENTAI, he wore a black t-shirt with red clouds over it. He wore grey puma trousers with a white line on each side. He wore white bunny slippers. Konan's was second to comfort, an armchair, queen-sized. It was white and looked like as if a talented artist had created a chair origami as touching it would create paper creases. Beautiful. She wore a blue t-shirt and white shorts, cause they're cool. She wore real sneakers, same reason as Deidara. Now, let's go back to speech and stuff. "…" "…" "…" "…" ".." "…" "…" "dotdotdot." "Not funny, Tobi." "Sorry Deidara-senpai!" "What's this meeting for anyway, we aren't even family. Just call it a "Team Meeting."." "Well," started Pein, "It's called a Family Meeting because we all live in the same house and you can blame Tobi for that name." "That's me!" waved Tobi as he looked like he was have a seizure on the vibrating chair. "KILL HIM." Shouted Hidan. "Now, now. No blood needs to be shed. Did you know the carpet you put your feet on," Everyone looked at the floor to see everyone but Tobi's, Pein's, Sasori's and Konan's feet on the floor. (Sasori was too busy daydreaming to even look at feet though) "Is 10% of your wages." "…" "THE HELL MAN?!" raged Deidara. "Sorry, but it's for your living, you can put your feet up anyways." Everyone that had their feet on the floor did just that. "Blame the people we pay rent to, then?" asked Kakuzu. "Yes, blame them." Coughed Pein. "…" "…" "…" "So…" started Deidara. Everyone turned their attention on him (except Sasori). "Why is Sasori-dama wearing a dinosaur onesie?" Now everyone's eyes were on the daydreaming Sasori. You could tell it in his eyes, he was thinking about something. He kind of looked sad. "Sasori-senpai? You okay?" asked Tobi, a worried look going over his… face… "Huh? Oh, sorry, just thinking about my girlfriend in a swimsuit." Explained Sasori mindlessly as he woke up from his dream land. "…" "…" "…" "…" Sasori's eyes went wide when he realized what he just said. "Then he realized. He messed up." Smirked Deidara as he put his head onto his hand. "God dammit Deidara." He suddenly turned into a death glare, "You don't even have one to think about." "…" "Savage." Itachi said as he high fived Kisame. "W-Why are you wearing a dinosaur onesie, though? That's for kids." Countered Sasori. "My Grandma gave it to me. It was too big for me at first. But I'm 34 now and it fits. Just want to relive memories." Sasori glanced at the floor, suddenly feeling that something was going to come up, and he wouldn't like it. "Aaaawwww…" smiled everyone except Deidara and Pein. "Sasori-senpai! I didn't know you cared about your realitives that much!" stated Tobi. "I only said one though- " "I don't remember my relatives, though-" "Skater Rin…ks." Tobi flinched. For the first time ever, Tobi flinched. What was worse was, everyone saw it. "Woah, Tobi did you just flinch?" Deidara smiled. "Oh, I should've recorded that." Laughed Hidan. "Mom get the camera?" referenced Kakuzu. "Hehe, good one." Laughed Kisame. "My life has reached a step closer to being fulfilled." Stated Itachi. "…"  
"HAWHAWHAR!" The five guys laughed at Itachi's statement. "AAHHHHHHHHH!" a cry was heard from somewhere far AND near away. It sounded… girlish? "What was that?" asked Hidan as he looked around the area for the screamers. "Ignore them." Itachi gave off a single shake. "Who?" "The… the…" Itachi's eyes couldn't be seen he looked up, half his face shaded. "The fangirls." "…" Everybody waited for Tobi to say something stupid. "Dun-dun-daa." Bored Tobi. "Woah, what happened to you man?" inquired Deidara. "It's just…" "Just what?" "I don't like Skater Rinks." "-_-" "-_-" "The world is ending." Everyone looked confused at leader-sama. "If Tobi says he dislikes something thousands – no, millions – of people AND animals like; it spells doom for us all." "0_0" "0_0 "o_0" "Bitch, please." Deidara's face took on the meme. "If the world was ending, it would be because of the Buju's deciding to kill everyone- " "RAWR!" a cry was heard from The Basement. It was loud and tingles crept down everyone's spine. "Tobi, skater rinks are places that are fun and everyone there likes you. There is ice." "That sounds _cool_." "GOD DAMMIT, TOBI!" "I guess I won't be _ice-solated_." "DON'T YOU- " "No need to be so _cold_ , Deidara-senpai." "TRY ME, TRY _ME_." "Sorry, Deidara-senpai. But I think _just-ice_ , is on my side (Pein and Konan)." "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU" " _Snow_ thanks, I'm fine." "KILL HIM-" "It's so _ice_ to have you in the conversation as well Hidan!" "NO! I'M OUT!" " _Snow_ can do for, Deidara-senpai, though. But take a _chill_ pill." "C2 DRAGON!" Deidara called out. "Stop." The word of Pein-sama was final, Deidara was stopped before he could destroy the ceiling of the Lounge. Tobi stopped _cracking_ ice puns. (I'm going to stop.) "Now, to discuss the whole meaning of this meeting," "All my hate…" muttered Deidara. "…" "…" "Ahem, Tobi?" reminded Pein. "O-Oh. DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNN." Tobi shouted, doing jazz hands whislt doing so. "Son of a b- " "I got us tickets to go to anywhere we want in the summer~." Announced Pein as he held up 9 tickets that had "special" SVIP stickers on them (Super Very Intellectualy-retarded Person). "…" "…" "…" "There's going to be beaches~." Somethings rose in the room and made a slight noise, it belonged to Kakuzu, Hidan, Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Deidara as they felt something somewhere but they just couldn't and wouldn't put a finger on it. "I won't let my dreams by dreams then." Mumbled Sasori. "What do you mean?" questioned Tobi, a look of confusion on his face. "You heard nothing." Deadpanned Sasori. "Heard what?" "Good boy." "Now, the Family Meeting is out of session." Everyone stood up and raced for the door. "Wasted 30 minutes of my life… on Tobi." Groaned Deidara as he launched for the door. "Where are you going?" appeared Pein. "Somewhere." "Where?" "On Earth." "Where on earth?" "On the ground?" "Where on the ground?" "20 minutes on my C2 Dragon from here." "20 minutes where on the ground?" Deidara frowned, now the questions were getting harder. "At a video game store." "Tomorrow." "God dammit, Pein!" The Next Day - "What do you want?" Pein frowned as he opened the door to see Deidara. Leader-sama himself was wearing a bathrobe and his ginger hair was wet, so nothing out of ordinary going on with him. "I'm having a little private time." "Do you mean the art of pleasure?" "No. Actually, yes. I'm creating the Akatsuki Tokusentai banner. With Konan." "Well enjoy yourself, but don't get too wild with her. I know- " "HE DOESN'T KNOW ME AT ALL, PEIN." Shouted Konan inside the room. Pein glared at him, "Get to the point." "Well you see… Can I go now?" "With Tobi." "no." "Deal or No Deal." "Fine." "Yay!" shouted Tobi as he suddenly appeared behind Deidara. "JAYSUS CHRIST!" shouted Deidara as he jumped whislt turning around. "Oh, sorry Deidara-senpai." "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" "Well, when I was in school- " "WAS. A. RHE. TORICAL. QUESTION!" "You have to explain first _why_ you want to go to the video game store." "Ok, you see- " "In front of _everyone_." "God dammit Pein."  
"FAMILY MEETING!" shouted Tobi as he started loudly banging a spoon and pan from earlier. "HOW DID YOU GET THAT." Shouted Deidara as he covered his ears. "MUFFIN BUTTON." "WHAT?" "HUH?" "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" "IF HE CAN'T HEAR ME, NO ONE CAN!" "WHAT?" An Hour Later - "Oh boy, this is going to be LIT!" smirked Hidan as he held out a camera. "Now, say why you want to go to the video game store." Commanded Pein. "Sigh…" Deidara looked away and did Piccolo's facepalm. "I wanted to go to the video game story to get…" He rubbed his hand down his face. "A dating simulator game." "…" "…" "…" "Aaand sent to social media and everything." Laughed Hidan as he witnesses the absolute shock on Deidara's face. "Let's go Deidara-senpai!" urged Tobi as he dragged the white Deidara down the hallway to the door. "I'm sure you will get a girlfriend with those dating simulators! Weeeee!" Tobi literally pushed down the door and ran outside with the still shocked Deidara. And what will happen next? Going with Tobi to get something looks like something bad will happen! Oh well, more joy for you and me. NEXT TIME, ON AKATSUKI TOKUSENTAI "This one?" "No." "This one?" "No." "This one?" "That's a chainsaw." "This one?" "That's an explicit body part- wait. WHAT THE HELL? THAT'S POR- " "Huh?" Deidara jumped to cover Tobi's one-eye. "You saw nothing."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I'm back.

Sorry that I've been off for so LONG. But I have reasons, ones that were very coincidental.

First thing is, for some reason, my connection was cutting off a lot so I couldn't really go online. Second is, Word was not working at all, I couldn't open the file and it was as if all the words I put in was gone. Then, my hand got injured and I couldn't type or write. When it healed I still had the problem of Word, then I accessed the files inside and I managed to get this back. But then I had a stomach pain, hurt a lot. THEN it was my neck. Sounds unbelievable now, doesn't it? Sorry guys, though.

It's been a few weeks since I've written that, and guess what?  
Tests.

Word.

Damn it Microsoft.

Now I'm using OpenOffice, which is free! I recommended it too! Oh, and by the way; after this chapter, I'll have something VERY important to say.

Over 100 views already? Yosh! The rating changed to a T because… Kakuzu.

Disclaimer:

Me: Anyone available to say the disclaimer?

Sasori: Count me out.

Deidara: Me too, it's not even needed, all you needed to do was just leaving at the first chapter and you don't have to say it.

Hidan: I'll say it,

The owner of this story owns nothing.

Me: AHEM, the last word?

Hidan: Oh yeah… _Enjoy_.

Opening: Sanjou! Ginyu Tokusentai! (0:00 – 1:20) [Or you could just watch the whole thing for the true theme]

 **A** **Normal** **Video Game Store**

\- At HOMME -

"Umm, Deidara does know we mean that we have girl _friends_ , right?" stated Kisame as he looked at his crew, "As in, girls that are our frineds

"We don't have those by the way." Pointed out Kakuzu, "Excluding Konan."

"Does that make the over a hundred girls on Tobi's Instagram account just friends?" drank Itachi. He his choice of drink was a nice Fanta, oranges were his favourite fruit, well, when there weren't any apples left.

"…"

"…"

"Lucky bastard." Pouted Hidan.

"I actually have a 'true' girlfriend by the way." Stated Sasori.

"…"

"…"

"Lucky bastard."

\- Namely where Tobi and Deidara are-

"Deidara-senpaiiiiiiiiiiiii… Wake upppppppppppp…" moaned Tobi as he carried the still-in-shook and white Deidara. Actually, Tobi was dragging him across the floor, the concrete floor.

Deidara started mumbling incoherent words under his breath as started working again.

" _Now_ you're awake. We've walked yards! Jeez!" complained Tobi as he let go of Deidara's figure.

"Ow." Came a startled reaction, "This floor isn't soft you know." Deidara scratched his head.

"Deidara, where are we going?" Tobi interrupted around at the abandoned, cold streets that intimidated him.

A vein throbbed in the blonde's forehead, 'Son of a b- 'he stopped himself, then remembering Pein's words, he took a breathed in, then out.

"Pfft, I dunno." Deidara stood up, shaking the dirt off his shorts and shaking off that vein throbbing, also. "The video game store of course, stupid." He smirked. Deidara was, in this important-ish part of the story, wearing brown shorts from who-knows-where and a black t-shirt with three bear red scratch marks on its front. He wore light brown sandals too. "But we are also going to buy some stuff, at Walmart."

Tobi was wearing a grey t-shirt with 3 bears standing on top of one another, the bottom was an ice bear, on top of it was a panda with a brown phone, and the common brown bear on top. On the back of the shirt said, 'We Bare Bears'. Tobi also wore black shorts. Nike. "And where is that?"

"Somewhere, maybe it's over the rainbow." Joked Deidara as he started walking towards the direction of the very big Walmart store.

Tobi followed, "I don't get it. Sounds like something Pein would say." He thought for a moment, "Or sing."

"Don't jinx it."

\- At HOMME -

"Somewhere~ over the rainbow~, way up highhhhhhh...~"

\- Tobi & Deidara -

On the streets, there were lots of small, off-license shops that either sold food or clothes. One shop was a right rip-off of _KFC_ , _OFC_. It was the usual blood red and had the sign of _KFC_ but with _OFC_.Instead ofColonel Sander's head, it was replaced with… Barack Obama's. It's quite funny looking at it.

Tobi laughed at the Obama head, "LOL!"

"What's so funny?" inquired the bored blonde.

A man came out of the door of the shop, then looked at the two possible customers.

" 啊!你想尝试一些我们的鸡吗？奥巴马approves！(Ah! Do you want to try some of our chicken? Obama approves!)" the man said.

He started blabberling about how good his shop was compared to the "dump" called the father of chicken.

"Hey Deidara-senpai," Tobi started, his face turned to his senior.

"Hmmm?"

"What is he saying?" Tobi only knew some words of Chinese, all he got was "KFC" and "chicken.

"You don't know your home country's language?" Deidara squinted.

"Is it French?" Tobi asked?

"…" Deidara facepalmed, "No, genius, it's Japanese. What he's saying is, basically, _KFC_ sucks, _OFC_ rules." Then Deidara threw something.

"…" The man frowned and shook his hand at the blonde, then muttered some swear words in Japanese as he went into the store to go clean his head.

"Ha!"

Deidara formed the usual hand sign and the store exploded.

"Today, they'll be heartbroken, tomorrow, they'll be eating chicken from McDonalds." Then Deidara shrugged, "It's pretty much how people react to the news really."

"Deidara-senpai! You shouldn't have done that… It's not nice to kill people you know…"

Deidara squinted at him, "You can tell me what to do, I'm you're senpai."

"And I'm Tobi! Nice to meet you!"

"Why didn't I kill you instead?"

\- A few minutes later -

After a few minutes of walking, Tobi started singing, silently, "We're going on a trip…"

Deidara was too busy thinking about what kind of romance game he would buy to notice the singing of Tobi. Should he buy a classic romance simulator? Should he buy a one with fanservice? One with harem? Polyamory? Sex simulation? You've got to know which one you _really_ want.

"In our favourite rocketship…"

Still did Deidara not notice or listen. Now the blonde was thinking about whether to get one NSFW.

"Zooming through the skyyyy…"

Well, there was his looks, he could probably get to a threesome or foursome somewhere. But then he would have to give attention to all his girls, and that was too much work for him.

"LITTLE EINSTEINS!" shouted Tobi as he put enthuse into his most favourite part of the song.

Deidara immediately jumped in the air about a few feet, then came back down and collapsed on the floor. He didn't move.

"Umm… D-Deidara-senpai? A-Are you okay?" trembled Tobi as he looked at the unmoving figure. "Ummm… Oh no." Tobi started panicing, but was eased when he saw a slight twitch of an arm. "Phew! Thank goodness you're- "

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Deidara sprang up with two clay bombs at the ready.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Tobi was blown up, once again, and became a small twinkle in the sky.

A few more minutes later…

"Deidara-senpai!" started Tobi, the two team members stopped in front of a bookstore.

"Hmm?"

"Can I return my book?" Tobi held up a book, it was 'Harry Potter: The Blood Prince', first edition. It shone like diamond when it was sent out and a happy, **wanting** , feeling spread throughout the streets.

Suddenly, the streets were no longer empty and lifeless anymore. Tens of people appeared from nowhere, well, from the corners of some buildings, especially OFC. The people considered of different eye colours, hairstyles, and skin. But what they all had in common was their shirts.

"Oh, god no…" Deidara's eyes widened. "Nonononononoononononoonno…"

What they _all_ had in common, was their _Harry Potter_ shirts.

"Heyyyy, can I borrow that book?" asked one random person in the crowd.

"Run, Tobi. Run for your life." Deidara started walking away, then broke into a run with Tobi.

"HEY!" the crowd started chasing the two, screaming about their love for the _Harry Potter_ franchise.

"Oh, my gosh, can I like, have that book plz?"

"Is that the NEW book with tha signature? OH MY GOS- "  
"Mineminemineminemineminemine-"

"I LIKE, LOVE DA HARRY POTTER!"

"it is so coll-aidsss."  
"GIMME!"

"I CALL DIBS!"  
"I CALL DOUBLE DIBS!"

"How much bub- "

"SHUT YER MOUTH BOI!"

"My name's Justin B- "

"Dibs."

Well, not all of them. But they were sure annoying.

Then, at one corner, the two ninjas went into a dark alley and lost the fans, who passed them, thinking they someone became the Flash and might've outrun them.

Deidara and Tobi watched until the last person, a man using a wheelchair (they look so comfortable, just sitting on a chair sounds awesome). Then, only then, did they plop down on the floor and relax. They grasped for sweet air and listened to the still shouting voices of the fans.

"Tobi," Deidara panted, coughing a bit.

"Y-Yeah?" came the nervous reply.

"What kind of library allows you to take signed books?! The hell?!" Frowned the blonde.

"Ummmm… It was on display and I just burrowed it…" Tobi started shaking.

"YOU STOLE IT?!" Deidara's mouth fell.

"…. For a few dollars."

"And is there more?"

"…"

"…"

"And the whole of your savings…"

"WHAT THE F- "

"Deidara." Came a voice.

"WHO SAID THAT?" shouted Deidara.

"Guess who~"

"Oh, god no." Deidara started running away like mad.

"Oh! Hi leader-sama!" Tobi bowed.

"What did we say about responding to a voice that is only in Deidara's head and only to be replied by him?" came a feminine voice, probably Konan.

"Sorry, Konan-san."

"Good bye, now, can you chase after Deidara please? I think he think he's becoming mad, which he probably is becoming." Instructed Pein.

"Yes leader-sama!" Tobi ran after the blonde, who was already in the detection of the _Harry Potter_ crowd.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- "

\- An Hour Later -

Tobi and Deidara walked together, side by side, rode by horse and rode on road… Well, Tobi was riding the horse.

"I wonder what I should call my horse…" mutter the masked boy.

"Why the HECK _are_ you riding a horse? How did you freaking get that?"

"…"

"…"  
"Nature Style: Muffin Button Jutsu!"

A whisp of smoke appeared where Tobi was riding on his horse – err, stallion actually.

When the smoke cleared, what was there was… Tobi, riding on top of a muffin, with a horse face (Jean style).

"…"

"…"

Deidara was speechless. Then he threw something.

Then some things exploded.

"Awwwwww, come one Deidara." Tobi moaned, "You didn't have to blow up the muffin." He pouted, covered in muffin bits.

Deidara squinted at him, "You're going to make me mad one of these days. It's either you or," he shivered, "Tokusentai."

"It's TOKUSENTAI! Not, Tokusentai, Deidara."

"It's, Shut Up, stupid."

Tobi blinked, "That doesn't make any sense."

"Shut up."

"Ok."

\- At the Shopping Centre -

"Sir, would you like to buy a trolley?" asked the lady at the what-it stand.

"Nope, I'm f-fine thank you." Said Deidara as he heaved a bag full of juice boxes.

"Deidara-senpai! You didn't have to get so many juice boxes!" complained Tobi.

"Tobi, listen to me." He set the bags down and crossed his arms, straining his neck to look at Tobi.

"Mhmm?" said the boy-man/ man-boy as he ate a rice ball.

"How did…" Deidara shook his head, "If you had to ask one thing I've learnt that has helped me my entire life," he picked up a bottle of Hetap, "Is that, to perform your best and stay at your best is," he opened the bottle, "Through plenty of juice." He drank the Hetap.

"Cool story bro."

\- Back at HOMME -

"Itachi!"

"What do you want?" groaned the Uchiha, pressing the pause button on his controller and removing his headphones.

"You. Have. Got. To see this." Kisame gestured to follow him.

Itachi sighed, then got off his seat and followed the shark-man outside.

Once he was outside, the man looked for whatever he was supposed to look at, but just saw sky and some hills.

"Ovah HE-YA!" shouted Kisame from a few feet away, strange thing was, his voice was everywhere.

"Fire Style: Fire Dragon Jutsu!"

"But I'm half-shark and I'm in water…"

"…"

"…"

"Hey, Kisame."

"What?"

"Can you see what I'm doing?"

"Yeah, you're walking awa- "

THUD.

"You've closed the door, yeah I can see what you're doing Itachi."

CREAK.

"Now you've opened the door and you're carrying my pet fish, hello Jeffery!"

"You're also carrying a knife, too and a fork and a plate."

Kisame squinted from wherever he was.

"Now you're sitting on the grass and have put Jeffery on the plate… Now you're glaring at me, how did you find me?"

"Now your knife is nearing my still-alive fish's neck." said Kisame.

…

"Wait a second… This is an illusion, isn't it?"

"What?" came the voice of Itachi.

" _My_ Itachi wouldn't dare kill my friend! That's how I know."

"No, this isn't a ill- "  
"I know are your tricks, old friend! You can't fool me."

"Thanks, but this is actually- "Then he scowled, "Did you just call me old?"

"You look old..."

"I'm going to go play on my Nintendo Switch now."

Itachi walked to the door.

"Hey, can I play too?"

"The game's not 2-player."

"But it's Nintendo Switch..."

"I broke the second remote."

"I hate _your_ Nintendo Switch."

\- An hour ago, upstairs -

"Sasori, go get some fresh air." Sighed Pein.

"Ok." Came the reply, whose eyes were glued to a iPhone 7.

A few minutes later…

"Hey Sasori- "Kisame stopped in what he was saying to look at the object near Sasori.

"Hi guys." Came a muffled voice still on his phone.

"Why do you have an oxygen tank labelled, 'Fresh'? And why are you using it?" came Pein as he frowned on eyebrow.

"You said I should go get some fresh air."

"Where'd you get that? Inquired Itachi.

"Walmart."

"Phone Deidara and Tobi to get an oxygen tank for me please. It's going to be a long stream for me tonight and I need some oxygen atoms running around in my body." Commanded Itachi.

"You know, I've always wondered why you're more of a gamer than a scientist." Wondered Kisame.

"Maybe it's because I killed my entire clan?"

\- Back At The Store -

Now, to drop these things off to their respective owners.

Deidara did a quick succession of hand signs, "Helper Jutsu!"

A large red bunny appeared out of nowhere, carrying a rucksack on its back. Oh yeah, it had blonde hair like Deidara too.

"Worst. Jutsu Name. Evah." Chuckled Tobi. "You should've could called it Dei-Bunny Jutsu."

"You were actually useful for once."

"Really?"

"No." Deidara deadpanned, "Now, DELIEVER," the blonde man brought a list, "The juice boxes to MY ROOM, the oxygen tank to ITACHI, the fishing pole to KISAME, and the bombs to HIDAN. DELIEVER."

"K, calm down." The bunny stuffed the packages into his bag and drove underground and just dodged a deformed clay spider being thrown at it. Then he appeared again and stuck out its tongue, "You missed, big time."

"Shut up." Deidara threw another deformed clay spider. Which missed.

"Your work of art is a work of not." Dei-Bunny dodged another clay spider, more deformed than the last one. Then he dodged an all but beautiful clay bird. "Now, that's just horrendous."

"Like you."

"How rude." Dei-Bunny disappeared underground when his male counterpart started doing something suspicious with the clay.

"Son of a bitch."

"Doesn't that make you his father then? As you made him?" Tobi wondered.

"…Forget I said anything." Groaned Deidara. "Look. There's the video game store!"

"Let's-a go!" Tobi said with an Italian voice.

Inside the store -

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there." groaned a feminine voice.

"Boo."

"Boo who?." the female at a dilapidated, creaking counter arranged her head onto a right hand.

"Don't cryyyyyy..." laughed the husky voice outside. Then it started coughing, "Ooops! Hehe!"

"Seriously, can you just go away?" the female leaned more on her hand.

"Maybe if you let me have a look at your- I mean the video games, then maybe I won't disturb you as much." You could hear the scratching at the door outside.

"Yeahhhhhh, no. Not after last week."

"Hmmm, I'll just tell you some more jokes!" the husky voice chuckled, "Knock, knock."

"I'm not opening the door."

"Knock, knock."

"Sigh." it was no use, the man would just keep on saying that. "Who's unfortunately there?"

"Yodel-le-hi"

"Yodel-le-hi-who."

"No, you say it like this YODEL-LE-HI-WHO!" the man shouted, then chuckled as he heard something smash on the floor.

"You..." Patience coming to an end, the girl stomped towards the door, steam flowing out of her ears and opened the door, "GET. OUT."

"..."

"Hey Deidara, you've already attracted someone!"

"Shut up." Deidara's fist was about to flame, sharing a personality like the woman looking at him.

Said woman suddenly blushed as she realized her mistake.

Said angered male suddenly calmed down at seeing the blush.

"Oh! Sorry!" the blonde feminine flicked the ponytail guarding half of her blue eyes. "Come in!" The girl started beckoning them to come inside, making them develop the dash towards the inside.

Fortunately, the man outside had failed to make the attempt inside. Although close, the door smashed before he could made a nose-length entrance inside the building.

Inside the store, there were many games of many prices. One example was Battlefield 1; Unoffical HACKED Edition with the price tag at $50.

"Where are there hacked versions of games?" questioned Deidara.

"Y-You don't need to know!" stuttered the blonde. "So, which genre do you like?"

"Psst, Deidara," whispered Tobi.

"What?" came the reflection.

"Have you noticed something weird?"

"Nope."

"Usually, a girl asks _me_ first, not you." Realisation spread through Deidara's mind.

"Is something wrong?" inquired the other blonde in front of them.

"N-Nothing! Uhh, I like romance." said Deidara.

"Oh," the girl usually would either except an FPS or something pervy, "Anything else?"

"I like some action too." The girl saw this differently than what was meant.

"Okay...Which type of romance?"

"Wait, there's types?"

"Dating simulator, blah blah blah, blah blah-"

Deidara only grasped on the word 'simulator'. "The first-"

"How about action?" came Tobi, bringing a bowl of complementary peanuts.

"Where'd you go?" asked Deidara.

"I was hungry and this nice lady gave me some peanuts. Now I'm thirsty, can I get a drink?" explained Tobi.

"Idiot, the peanuts are making you thirsty." sighed Deidara, "And I thought video game stores didn't sell drinks.

"Glocalization. We actually operate in Russia." introduced a black-haired woman. "Name's Shizune."

"Oh! I've heard of you! You're that one person in the new-"

"What did you hear?" said Shizune with widened eyes.

"They said you stole something, blah blah blah, and you assaulted a policeman, blah blah blah." Tobi remembered, "Wait, I'm sure you're supposed to be in prison?"

"...No..."

"We'll not say anything if you give us a 100% off sale on _one_ of these games." smirked Deidara.

"You could've been a jerk and asked for more you know." said the girl-blonde, then immediately covered her mouth.

"Don't worry, I'm not like that." smiled Deidara (Hidan: Wait, I'm sure he was smirked a couple of lines ago; lazy writing.)

The girl blushed, "N-Name's Ino, by the way."

"What game do you want?" sighed Shizune.

"I'd like to get a dating simulator for my brother." lied Deidara.

"I didn't know you had a brother Deidara! You're not allowed to keep secrets!" complaind Tobi.

"Says the person wearing the mask." Deidara rolled his eyes.

"The romance section is over here." waved Shizune.

Behind her was a large selection of games, no special editions, though. Most of them were for men, featuring explict content and.. other things.

"Is your brother a bit of a lowlife?" inquired Shizune.

"No, of course not." Deidara defended.

"Likes uncensored?"

"Nope." Deidara isn't that kind of guy, sometimes.

"Harem?"

"Possibly." Deidara always wondered what it was like to be loved by a lot of girls at the same time.

"Then I recommend this one. No refunds."

"You're always like this, Shizune." giggled Ino.

"Hmmm..." The game box in front of him was called 'Happy Love'. "I don't like the title. "Let's search for one, Tobi."

"Yes sir!"

\- Few Minutes Later -

"This one?" "No." "This one?" "No." "This one?" "That's a chainsaw." "This one?" "That's an explicit body part- wait. WHAT THE HELL? THAT'S POR- " "Huh?" Deidara jumped to cover Tobi's one-eye. "You saw nothing."

" _Saw_ what?"

"...That one's a bit late."

"Sorry."

"How about this one?" pointed out Ino, this one was called, 'Honeypop'.

"Sure, it looks good." decided Deidara.

"Do you mean the women?"

"No, no." defended Deidara.

"20 dollars." said Shizune as she packed the item into the bag.

"Sure-"

"No refunds." interrupted the black-haired assistant.

"Ok...Bye." Deidara waved.

"Bye!" Tobi waved.

"Come again!" smiled Ino.

The boys left.

"..."

"You know, I can of liked that Deidara guy." confessed Ino whilst blushing and turning her leg at a particular point.

"Him? Oh he was fine, first customer we've had in weeks, though."

At Home -

Deidara looked at his watch, just an hour in the evening. "Time to play I guess." He grabbed a VR Headest and equiped it, then, he shut the covers on his bed, closed his eyes, then waited for the familiar reassuring click, signifying that it was 'Ready To Play'.

"Link Start."

 **So...About this story...Don't worry, it's not that I'm cancelling the story, I'm just putting it on a hiatus for a while. I'm sorry but, I'm just not feeling the fire that was once there with this story. And if I keep on writing this but don't actually feel like doing it, then it'll be a bad read for you guys. This chapter, for example, was a pain to write. Sorry, again. Bye.**


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